y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
