Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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