'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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