I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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