roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm bleeding and have questions
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
