Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
