lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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