Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
