I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
