I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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