Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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