I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
