Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
