I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
