I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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