Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We are all done wearing pants today
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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