Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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