worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
