dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
