Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
No subtext here. People are naked.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize