i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
false alarm. still invincible.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
