I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
