All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
