Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
