mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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