I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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