i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He? As in you personified your dick?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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