She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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