My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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