you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I want is dick and wine.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
