I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
