Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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