look no pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
