What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
