Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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