just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
