What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
