Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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