I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
