Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
