I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
