He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize