I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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