Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
