I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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