I'm jealous of your bromance
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
