if only i could text you this smell
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
