He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize