take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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