just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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