If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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