i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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