Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
