its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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