So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
