Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
