Soap is not a condiment
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
