I wanna bring you to show and tell
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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