i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
