i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
