I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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