It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
