I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
