if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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