Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
