OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize