That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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