Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
