soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize