After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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