Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
