How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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